One Thing I’ve Learned from Every Place I’ve Lived: New York City (Ep. 5)
Somewhere in the beginning of 2024, I had the idea for this theme. I’ve lived in quite a few cities in the last 10 years, some of them dreams fulfilled and others happy accidents. Most of these places were my homes for a year or more, while a couple of them ended up being just a few months. But each one was meaningful in its own unique way and has left me with lifelong memories—good, bad, monumental, uneventful—and lessons learned.
In this series, which I’ve decided to separate by “episodes”, I’m going to choose just one of those lessons to ruminate on and, in a way, to symbolize my personal attachment to each place. These posts will be complemented by some hopefully fun (possibly funny) throwback pictures too, of course!
Episode Five: The Heart Loves a Good Challenge, Apparently
There’s no place to start a new chapter like New York City. Sprawling cityscapes, invigorating opportunities and risks (sometimes together in one), and a way of life that no other city can quite offer—for better and worse. When we made the decision to move, we did it with care and consideration for our lifestyle, our interests, and our ambitions. But it was also a choice that came from the heart.
I had always held onto the idea of one day living in New York. I hadn’t really pursued it actively, and maybe I didn’t believe it would ever be feasible for me. But it was a mesmerizing place, home of Broadway and the publishing industry, where almost all the most exciting events happened, what so many books, movies, and TV shows spun tales about—from its magnificent and glamorous sides to its grungy, uninviting angles. New York, to me, was honest: it showed all of its beauty and ugliness to anyone who wanted to look, which is perhaps why so many people from around the world are bewitched by it despite its daunting reputation. I wanted to experience the raw energy of its streets for myself, in a fuller way than a mere few days as a visitor could offer.
Moving back overseas, and to a city that was almost as foreign to me as Bristol or Paris had been, was not an easy decision to make. It meant us uprooting our little family unit from one home that we had made and creating a whole new one. Even though we felt ready to leave for something else, this something was a bold venture. But if there’s one thing I learned from my incredible years as a first-time NYC resident, it’s this: following your heart (or your instincts) is the right thing to do, but it will bring challenges along with it that might make you doubt yourself.
Self-doubt is as maddening as a cold that just won’t go away, and likewise it will inevitably crop up with varying frequency and severity throughout all our lives. One of its favorite occasions is in life decisions, preferably big ones. New York City was a big decision, in every sense of the idea. I didn’t have any close friends in the city yet, and although I transferred with my job, I wasn’t sure what future career prospects I might find. I didn’t know anything about the boroughs or the neighborhoods beyond Reddit threads and media references, and I had to apartment hunt for our future home with the weight of a thousand unknowns on my shoulders. It’s safe to say that going from what had become safe and comfortable in Paris to the precarious uncertainties of this intense and unfamiliar city led to some serious moments of questioning.
After securing a place in Queens that fit our needs without breaking our budget, I was able to begin crafting myself an environment in which I could thrive. My outings at first were based on necessity—groceries, supplies, admin duties, work—but they soon included trying new cafés that had popped up in my Instagram feed, sightseeing in famous neighborhoods, or meeting up with new acquaintances or old friends passing through the city. In such a dynamic setting, there’s never any lack of things to do; you’re really only limited by time and energy (and money, let’s be real—Manhattan especially likes to tug on the purse strings—although there are low-cost and free activities too!).
I fell in love with New York pretty quickly, but love doesn’t conquer all. When things would go wrong, as they always do from time to time, my early impulse was to wonder: is this actually my fault? Was my eagerness for adventure just a naive mistake? Should I have stuck with what I knew wasn’t quite right for me anymore, but was at least familiar? Or should I have at least waited, planned more, eliminated every possible question that the logical part of me posed before allowing my heart to be trusted?
This magnified skepticism of my own instincts was newfound, but many of the challenges that I was facing weren’t. I had been the fish out of water in a sea of seasoned residents before; I had gotten lost trying to find my way back to what was supposed to be my home. Sure, the dance of New York can be unrelenting in its rhythm and pace, and unforgiving of any mistakes, but once I learned the steps I began to feel as welcome on the stage as everyone else around me. This, perhaps, is the true magic of that city.
I began to volunteer in animal rescue, a core passion of mine, and my husband and I fostered several kittens, pair by pair, until they were ready to find their forever homes. I saw shows and concerts and went to events that invigorated my creative spirit. I walked brick-building-lined streets on rarely-traveled blocks where a tourist might never have the occasion to wander. I discovered hidden treasures in the form of shops, bakeries, and views. I enjoyed countless firsts and made favorites, some of which no other city in the world has been able to top. (And did I mention I fulfilled another bold longtime dream and dyed my hair purple?!)
Looking back, I wonder if my struggle with self-doubt stemmed from the fact that this was the first time I had moved without a clear purpose ahead. In the past, I had gone to far-off places for education, for an opportunity of self-development, for love—but we chose New York for the potential. The scary unknown that came with this move was both the reason to doubt and the reason to believe.
While I didn’t find everything I had hoped to during this period of my life, I’m endlessly grateful for what I did find there—from this lesson, to all the others that I could fill an entire book about. I have no doubt now that following my heart’s lead to New York was the right choice, because the challenges that it brought me were ones that I was able to grow and benefit from.
So how do we know if a decision really is the right one, if both paths are laden with great obstacles and stumbling blocks? I guess we don’t really. Not for sure. Life requires a bit of gambling sometimes, no matter how much some people (ahem: ME) may not like it! Sometimes there isn’t a right or a wrong path; there’s just how we feel about the choices we make and what we do with them next.
